Blog 5 Do You Respond or React?
July 26, 2020 to August 3, 2020
Hello, I have had several comments that Blog 3 and Blog 4 had the same date. Oops! My mistake. This should get us back on track. I am still receiving advice on the items to include in the LIFE course for high school students. The question ending the post from last week was “why is Math and History important to LIFE?” The more important question is “why is the study of the two subjects important?” Give some serious thought to this question. We will get back to it next week. I have a major VICTORY TO REPORT.
Several hours ago, I came from a coaching session with a couple (Jan and Dean) who have been married for nine years. We met in November 2019 during mediation divorce proceedings. We were working on the financial settlement. There are no children involved in the marriage. The feelings they had for each other when they married were long gone. We were getting no where in the discussions. There was no effective communication; only yelling, screaming, name calling, cursing and angry bitter comments. I stopped the negotiations and told them to break it up and asked Dean to leave the room. Take a walk, pause and take a deep breath. Think and collect his thoughts. When we got back together, I began by asking them if they were willing to make one last effort to settle the mediation and build a winning relationship. After a few minutes, they both agreed to work my plan. I began by setting out the guidelines for our meetings. There will be no name calling, no cursing and no blaming the other party. All prejudgments, bias and jumping to conclusions will be left outside the room while we discuss options and solutions. There will be measured thoughtful words and actions. They agreed to pause and think 10 seconds before responding.
I explained reacting quickly can build an atmosphere of fear and mistrust. Responding builds an environment for stronger relationships. Jan and Dean are intelligent and self-disciplined. They made a major promise to each other. They would no longer speak harshly to each other. They would no longer complain and talk to their friends about them. Additionally, they agreed to do the homework. We have been meeting every other week for 6 months for 90 minutes each time. The meetings have been virtual and face to face. In just six months their once decaying marriage has indeed resurrected from what was dead and dying. They are committed and joyfully in love.
Jan and Dean were willing to surrender their rights to each other in simple basic terms and build their relationship on character and integrity. They began to control their tempers and eliminated the blame game. In their relationship, they use the Golden Rule of treat people like you want to be treated. They continue to look for the good and build on the positive. Come back next week. Let me know what you are thinking.